


falling in reverse

by brasswired



Category: Green Eggs and Ham (Cartoon), Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss
Genre: Abandonment, Brother-Sister Relationships, Feelings, Guy cares a lot, Hiding Feelings, Kind of a songfic?, M/M, Manipulation, Mother-Son Relationship, Other, Parent-Child Relationship, Trans Male Character, Trans Sam I Am, Transphobia, implications of guy x michellee, lowkey inspo from SU movie and also just an au, possible tw for the transphobia, rated teen for possible language and themes of abuse and toxicity, s2 AU, sam's mom is not that great but she tries?, sam's sister!!!, see desc for title inspo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:18:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22250122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brasswired/pseuds/brasswired
Summary: "And I am still here, that voice in your headAnd I'll be there for you, when no one else caresAnd this is it, as far as where we've got since thenSo know a good thing when you got itAnd I hope you know you don't go alone"[eden - falling in reverse]note: this work is most likely never going to be updated. im sorry. im just not interested in writing it anymore, and am currently inactive in the fandom. read with that knowledge.
Relationships: Guy Am I & Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham), Guy Am I/Michellee (Green Eggs and Ham) (mentioned), Guy Am I/Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 52





	1. i might lose me

There were some things Sam I Am would never tell his best friend on purpose. Things he was too embarrassed to share, or things that hurt him too much to relive. Maybe in the future it’d come out, but not right here, not right now. Especially while they were on the last stretch to what could be Sam’s mother’s farm in East Flubria. The train taking them there seemed to be going far too slow for Sam’s nerves to handle. He was so excited to get there, but he couldn’t be more afraid at the same time.

Who the heck was he going to meet? It would either be the mother he was suddenly separated from as a child, or the woman who wanted nothing to do with him. He just didn’t know. The only thing that kept him from closing himself in for the remainder of the trip was Guy sitting next to him, placing a reassuring hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“You gonna be alright, Sam?”

Sam smiled at his friend. “Of course! I’m excited.”

He paused.

“What do you think she’ll be like?”

"Uh- well," Guy stammered, "I'm sure she's great. She's got a successful business going, and living on the other side of the world. Something must be going right for her."

Sam agreed, but that had hurt him just a bit. Everything was going fine without him… but that's how it's always been, so it's nothing to get upset about.

Almost like he could read his mind, Guy continued. "I'm sure she'll be happy to see you," he reassured his friend. All Sam could muster was a smile and warm look into Guy's brown eyes.

His eyes always made Sam more at ease when he looked at them.

"There's still a couple hours to go," Sam yawned, "so I'm gonna get some shut-eye real quick." Sam, without asking, leaned to head against Guy's soft arm and got comfortable. Guy flinched but eventually accepted the affection the smaller one wanted.

"G'night, Guy."

"Rest well, Sam," he had decided to relax, too.

He rested his own head atop Sam's, and soon the both of them were out.

\---

Sam woke up first with a weird strain in his neck from sleeping. When they had fallen asleep, it was 2 in the afternoon. Now it was almost 5, and the sun was beginning to set. He shoved Guy's arm lightly to wake him, and when he started to stir, Sam stood up from their seat to stretch and rub his neck.

The train was beginning to come to a stop. That meant it was nearly time for Sam to face his fears.

Guy stood up after Sam, stretching and processing their next action. Before Sam knew it, it was time to get off of the train. Then it was time to go to the farm Miss I Am resided in. Then it was time to walk down the trail, then time to walk up the stairs and knock on the door of the farmhouse and-

This was all happening way too fast. It feels like just yesterday Sam and Guy left to find her, but it’s been a whole month. He was fully ready to be wrong, for the door to open and to be informed his mother wasn’t there, or that she was long gone. He was ready to turn around and leave, so he never would have to meet the person that hurt him the most, whether she meant to or not. But Guy? Guy wasn’t ready to do that.

This meant the world to Sam, even if he didn’t want to say it. It’s been his goal for years, and they were about to fulfill it. Guy wouldn’t let him leave at this point.

“It’s okay, Sam,” Guy offered a smile. “I’m a little nervous, too.”

“It’s just,” Sam shakily sighed. He looked at his tall friend. “What if she’s not here? Or she’s not happy to see me? This is just so scary.”

“Well, what if she’s been looking for you, too?”

Sam paused. He stared at the wood floor beneath them. Guy could be right.

“The least you can do is try.”

Guy hesitated, then knocked on the door.

It was nearing dusk in East Flubria. The sun was almost set and lanterns were flickering on around the property the two were currently waiting at, holding their breaths. Wind chimes sang in the autumn breeze, and a door knob turned open to reveal a woman standing at the same height as Sam.

“Can I help you?” The woman spoke in a hushed, sweet voice. Sam was sure at that point all of his work was worth it.

This was his mother. The woman that had sung to him to wake him up in the morning, and made him green eggs and ham in the morning, then would dress him and take him out to adventure and enjoy the universe. He vividly recalled the little songs, her laugh, her soft reassurance. Everything. And now he was frozen in place.

Guy looked in awe at her, then Sam, then faced back to his possible mother. “Hello. we’re sorry to bother you so late, but-”

“Hi--!” Sam squeaked. “Uhm. Hi! I…” Oh sheesh, why was this so much harder than he’d practiced in his head?

“I know this might… sound weird but-” He inhaled. “Do you recognize me…?”

She looked puzzled. Taking a better look at the man in front of her - or were they a man, she wasn’t so sure anymore - she tried connecting him to somebody she had once known.

“I don’t believe so, no…”

“Well, did you… ever have a kid that you… had to… give up?” Sam’s voice grew softer the more he progressed in that sentence.

_Oh._

“Wait.” She said, harsher than before. She studied Sam intently and soon, memories came to her, too. “No… You…”

Sam held his breath, ready to be told to leave.

“Sam…?” A shaky, yet still so soft and sweet, question.

He grinned. That’s exactly how she used to say his name.

“Mom?”

“Oh dilligens… Sam!” She cried and took her child in a tight hug. Sam had practically already locked his arms to her, and both shook in each other’s arms.

Guy felt like an unwanted guest at a party. This was extremely awkward, but his best friend had worked so hard for this and he was glad to have been part of it. He just wished he had a reason other than wanting to help Sam and see him smile. So, he happily stood back and let them silently bond for the first time in nearly 20 years.

“My, please! Please, come in!” Miss I Am invited the duo, entering before them but keeping her hand firmly attached to Sam’s. Guy followed closely behind, and shut the door behind them.

\---

“I’ve been looking for you for years!” Sam stated as his mother brought him and Guy glasses of water.

“How did you find me? I’d have thought you wouldn’t bother to go through so much!”

“Well, it’s a pretty funny story actually! Me and my best buddy, Guy here, met in a diner a while ago because we had the same briefcase! Then they got mixed up when he left, and he brought home a chickeraffe I was bringing to Meepville! So when we traded them back, it turned out these guys were trying to get the big fella back in the zoo, so we…”

Guy tuned out Sam’s retelling of their first life-changing adventure. Leaning back into the couch, he glossed over everything in the dimly lit living room, but caught notice of several picture frames above a fireplace. He saw photos of Sam’s mom with what seemed to be mimi versions of her, but there were two different kids. Was there another Sam? Boy, would that be interesting.

“And so we left as soon as we found out where the eggs came from, and that led us to you!”

“Without stopping? Sam, you’ve gotta make time for yourself,” She encouraged.

“Oh don’t worry, I’ve had plenty of that,” he joked. “That is, until I met my best briefcase buddy, here!” He nudged the knox’s arm playfully. Guy looked back at Sam and then Sam’s mother.

“Haha… Hi. Late introduction, but my name’s Guy Am I.” He leaned forward and extended a hand.

“Meriam I Am! I’m so glad that Sam had somebody to stick around with…” She paused. “...Them.”

“Um… yes, I’m happy to be there with him.”

Sam internally cringed. This was bound to come up.

“You know what, Mom? We’ve had a long trip here, so if it’s fine with you, me and Guy are gonna go find a hotel and come back in the morning!”

“Oh, don’t bother! You’re finally back with me, so make yourself at home please! I’ll go prepare the guest room,” Meriam smiled and made her way down the hallway.

Sam and Guy waited together with a deafening silence, until Guy turned to look at him.

“So?” He questioned.

_Please don’t ask about what he was afraid to address._

“How is it? Is she like what you’d hoped?”

_Oh thank God._

He beamed a bright grin to Guy and laughed. “She’s wonderful! She remembers me! I’m so happy.”

“And we’ve got a free place for the night, so it’s a win-win, ey?”

“Heck yeah!”

Meriam returned, holding a lantern used to light up her path, and showed the two to the guest room - a room with two small beds on opposite walls of each other, and a single nightstand in the middle. Guy had decided to separate from the family reunion to prepare for the night, as Sam and his mother went back into the kitchen to clean up for the night.

“So Samuela, what have you been up to besides travelling around?” She asked, grabbing a towel for the dishes.

Sam frowned and hesitated. “Actually, I just go by Sam now.”

“Oh! Well…” She was perplexed. “Okay, Sam.”

“Also, I’ve not really done anything very different recently. Other than the chickeraffe and finding you, I really just hung around my town and lived life to the fullest.”

“Well, that’s great,” his mother smiled. “I guess you could say I’ve been doing the same. Ever since your sister moved out, it’s only been me-”

“Sister!?” Sam exclaimed as he put his hands on his mom’s shoulders. “I have a sister!? Oh wow, that’s so cool! How come I’ve never met her?”

“Oh, you have! You just… may have been too young to remember her.”

“Well, where is she?”

“I’ve no idea.”

They were both silent for what could’ve been a minute but it was only around 10 seconds.

“Looks like I’ve got a new adventure to go on,” Sam grinned.

His infectious smile rubbed off onto his mother and she laughed. “That can wait until the morning, Samuela.”

“'Samuela'?”

Neither of them noticed guy enter the room.

“I-I mean,” he changed his response, “Sam, I was wondering if you were gonna be out here any longer-”

“No! I’m coming right now,” Sam blurted out. Boy, was this uncomfortable.

“Well, sleep well, you two.” Meriam pulled her child in for one last hug before they went their separate ways- well, rooms.

"G'night, Mom."

The duo entered the guest room and closed the door behind themselves.

Guy crawled into the bed parallel from where Sam claimed his, and studied the smaller man. Something’s off.

“What was that about, Sam?”

“Oh, um.” he faked a smile. “It’s just some old thing. It doesn’t matter. Goodnight, Guy!” Sam rolled himself into the blanket and faced the wall.

He wasn’t sure anymore if they should have came.


	2. you're so good and i'm nothing like you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> interlude.
> 
> [coming outs are a lot harder than they seem in your head.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh heck, i'm so glad that people liked the first chapter! i'm never confident in my writing and i haven't written a multi-chapter work in literally forever, but i'm very glad i decided to. green eggs and ham is one of my favorite things and it brings me so much comfort and happiness, and the story i'm attempting to tell is something i connect with so much. not to mention, i forgot how much fun writing is!
> 
> thank you all so much for your support and kind words!!! i love every one of you <3
> 
> please enjoy chapter 2! ;v;

This night felt like one hundred nights.

Sam shifted in his bed in the deafening silence of his mother’s home at midnight. He’d managed to get an hour of sleep, or was it two hours? He wasn’t sure anymore, but he was surely restless.

He sighed semi-loudly and buried his face in the blanket covering him.

“Sam?”

He jumped. “You’re still awake, Guy?”

“Yeah,” Guy sat up and yawned, “So are you, apparently.”

“I’m just a bit restless,” Sam’s left leg bounced nervously. He really really wanted, needed a hug but didn’t want to bother his friend.

“You wanna talk for a bit?” Guy offered, and Sam agreed immediately. He nervously slipped out of the bed and made his way to sit on the foot of Guy’s.

“Did you hear that I have a sister?” He beamed.

“Really?”

“Yep! And we’re gonna go find her soon!”

Guy chuckled and rolled his eyes, pushing his body against the wall to support his tired body.

“...Or just me,” Sam muttered, “If you’re not up for it. I’ve already dragged you around for a while now.”

“Oh, I-I,” Guy jumped, “Of course I want to come with you,” He admitted.

“Oh! C-cool,” Sam smiled. Why was this so awkward? It’s not like they’d never talked about these things before.

“Hey Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask why your mom called you ‘Samuela’?”

Sam cringed, now visibly. “I mean…”

“It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. I’m just a little confused, is all.”

“No, I… I’ll tell you.”

Sam shifted, bringing his legs up to his chest, and exhaled. “I just didn’t want it to come out this way, or even at all.”

“Sam?”

Silence had returned for a few seconds. “I wasn’t born ‘Samuel’.”

Okay, that made way more sense than some of the weird con-artist scenarios Guy had thought up. All fear that Sam could’ve been lying about who he really was had disappeared.

“I pass pretty well as a boy, so I assumed I wouldn’t have to tell anybody… ever. I mean, if we’d had gotten closer, and if this whole thing hadn’t happened, I would’ve told you. I don’t know… I’m sorry for keeping it from you.”

“No, don’t be. I’m glad you trust me with that…” Guy smiled warmly in the lantern-lit room to his friend. He put his hand onto Sam’s shoulder comfortingly, and Sam jumped onto him quickly.

Guy accepted the affection, wrapping his bigger arms around Sam. As much as he wouldn’t admit it, still being a bit stubborn, he loved when Sam opened up to him. It made him feel trusted, reliable.

“I wish this wasn’t as confusing for the people around me as it already is for me,” The bandit sighed.

“Hey, I understand. I may not be well informed on what being… trans is like or anything, but you’ll always be Sam I Am to me.”

"Thanks for dealing with me for so long," Sam smiled, hiding his face in the big tuft of fur covering Guy's chest. Guy's heart skipped a beat and returned the smile.

"S'not a problem at all."

Guy contemplated getting up to blow out the candle in the lantern, but it seemed Sam was nearly asleep, due to the smaller one's weight becoming heavier the more he relaxed. The light wouldn't be so bad, so long as Sam was comfortable.

Guy was comfortable, too.

\---

A rooster called at dawn, letting the world know it was a brand new day. Meriam I Am was the first awake, who had almost instantly made her way to the guest bedroom to check on her child and their friend.

She creaked the door open as quietly as she could. To her surprise, the two were in the same bed, leaning against the wall in each other's arms. Needless to say, she had several questions. She had a farm to tend to, however, so she left them alone.

Only a few minutes later, Guy Am I's eyes opened slowly, and his head picked up to take in his surroundings. He remembered yesterday's long journey vividly, then he recalled last night's conversation with his best friend.

"Sam," He whispered. "We should get up."

Sam began stirring awake and he tightened his grip around Guy's waist.

"Sam, come on."

"Nnnnnng, just a little longer," Sam pleaded.

Guy rolled his tired eyes and stroked the back on Sam's head, unconsciously running his fingers through the smaller's white, almost cream-colored, fur. "Don't you wanna talk to your mom?"

Sam was quiet, then recalled yesterday. He pushed away from Guy slowly and rubbed his eyes. "Oh, right. Of course I do."

They both hopped off of the bed, which was somehow able to handle both of their weights combined. Granted, Sam was a _lot_ smaller than Guy.

"I'm gonna have to tell my mom about… my name and stuff," Sam stated.

He was visibly nervous as he rubbed his neck. Guy put a large hand onto his shoulder in an attempt at comfort.

"Do you want help?"

"Oh…" He pondered. It would be easier if Guy was there.

"No, I think I've gotta do it alone."

"Alright, if that's what you want."

Gosh, was Guy so understanding. It would melt Sam, under different circumstances. The yellow-furred male smiled lovingly and made his way out of the room to wake himself up.

Guy sat back down on the bed, unsure of what to do. He was left to his own devices and intruding thoughts.

No, he couldn't think this way. Curse his selfish thoughts, this wasn't supposed to be about him. The whole reason he was right there, right now, was for Sam.

Last night didn't change anything between them. It only made them closer, and Guy was so, so confused now.

\---

Sam found his way to the farm not far from the house his mother lived in. He just wanted to get this over with and enjoy the rest of his time here. Yeah, he knew it would have to happen, but it was so hard, especially when he's been pushing the subject down for his entire life.

His mom spotted Sam before he could see her, and she called out, "Good morning, Love!" Motioning for her son to come over to where she was working.

Meriam was feeding her dear green chickens that made the eggs she was famous for.

"Morning, Mom!" Sam greeted. He never thought he’d get to say that. Taking shy steps towards her, he offered to help.

The two worked in silence for a few minutes.

"So," A sweet voice broke the silence, "Did you sleep well? I hope the bed wasn't too uncomfortable."

"Oh, yeah! No, it was fine, mom. Thank you!"

"I'm glad," She hummed. "So this 'Guy'... he's only a friend?"

"Well… yeah. We weren't that close at first, but I really think he's warming up to me! I still can't believe he came along with me here."

"He must really care, then."

"I think so," Sam's happy tone turned into a mumble. "Hey, Mom?"

"Hmm?" She finished up her work, wiping her hands off and facing Sam.

"Samuela really is a great name, but…" he held his breath. "I'm not _her_ , anymore."

She stared as her suspicions were confirmed. "Who are you then?"

For some reason, that hurt a bit. "I'm Samuel, but I answer to Sam mostly."

"Oh," Finishing up putting her tools back into place, Meriam invited her new son inside, to which he followed her in.

"Samuel… why Samuel?" She asked suddenly. Walking through the door, Sam noticed a familiar friend sitting on the couch to the side of the entrance and he could've screamed right there. He didn't want this.

"Um," he choked, "Because it's my name. I don't feel okay being called a girls' name anymore. I tried it but I never liked being Samuela.”

"Well, it's gonna take some getting used to, Sam."

"I know, and I'm always willing to remind you! Just you trying is enough for me, Mom. I even chose a name really close to my old one.”

She sat down at the table inside the kitchen, which was connected to the living room, and put her head in her hands. “I don’t know, Sam. It’s… been such a long time.”

Guy stayed silent as Sam gave him a look that could’ve broken his heart.

“It really has,” Sam replied, “Which is why I’m telling you. I don’t want to lie.”

The room was silent, and the tension was becoming way too much for everybody.

“So,” Guy intervened, “Sam tells me you make great green eggs and ham?”

The family’s expressions shifted instantly at the mention.

“Oh! Yeah, Mom! They’re amazing! Do ya think you could make some?”

“Well,” Meriam stammered, still lost in thought. “I don’t see why not. I’ll get started!”

“I’ll help!” Sam jumped up to do so, and Guy stayed right where he was.

This really was uncomfortable.


	3. now we're only falling apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank yall for the support! TTvTT it means so much to me;;
> 
> shameless self plug time? if you want to see chapter art i make, my instagram is @brasswired! i post it at least 1 day after a new chapter goes up!
> 
> please enjoy chapter 3 <3

Guy, Sam, and Meriam sat around the circular dining table, enjoying Sam's nostalgic, favorite breakfast. The time was now nearing 11 AM, and they felt there was no rush for Sam and Guy to leave. With the exception of Sam's "new" identity, there was no longer any tension between the three. Only light conversation and stories of each other's lives.

At some point, Guy's life and interests were brought up, and the I Ams begged him to talk about his inventing career. He acted like it wasn't that interesting but Sam thought, _knew_ , otherwise.

"I would be good at it if everything I made didn't blow up," Guy joked; that one quirk in his craft was the only thing holding him back.

"Maybe when that stops, you could make me some machines to help with farming!" Meriam laughed.

Soon, they had all finished, the plates were in the sink, and conversation began to dwindle.

"So…" Sam started, "Would it be okay to ask more about this sister of mine?" He put his head onto his hands, holding it up on the table.

"Oh, definitely!" Miss I Am agreed and cleared her throat to begin, "Your sister's named Pam, "Pam I Am"! Before she moved away, she was great with helping out on the farm. She was always making little things to make it easier on me, you know, since I'm getting a little old."

"Not at all, Mom! You don't like a day over…"

Sam was immediately embarrassed. Yes, his mother was beautiful, with long, braided hair, white, nearly cream-colored fur covering her head and neck. Bright blue eyes which contrasted Sam’s red eyes that sparkled with happiness, but they weren’t the same eyes he remembered from when he was younger. These were darker, with less life filling them.

They both paused. Sam cleared his throat. "You look great, is what I mean."

"Hey, I can take it. I know I'm not who I used to be. Anyways, I guess you could say Pam was an inventor, too! She was always creating and daydreaming, and was so ambitious. She left a few years ago, actually," Meriam frowned. "I understand, though. She's grown up, and wants to do her own thing. I just wish she'd visit more often."

"Well, I know you said you didn't know, but do you have any idea where she'd be?"

Meriam thought for a moment. "She did always love 

Meriam paused. “I remember she loved exploring the woods not far from here, after we moved away, of course. She always talked about building a cabin and living out there. She was so imaginative.”

“Maybe we can start there?” Sam looked to Guy, who’d been staring off the whole time.

“Oh? Yeah, we could.”

Like it was scheduled, silence flooded the house once more. It was then that the small bandit had remembered the purpose of finding his mother. This was a lot harder than he’d planned.

“Hey, Guy?”

“Yeah, Sam?”

He gulped. “Do you think I could talk with my Mom alone for a few minutes?”

“Oh,” Guy stood from the wooden chair, “Sure. Thank you for the food, Miss.” He excused himself back to the guest room.

Meriam looked puzzled. “What’s wrong, Sam?”

“So, I’m like, so, so happy to see you,” he started hesitantly. “I’m so glad things have been well for you, and this whole journey has been amazing!”

“Awh, well, I’m glad that you’re glad!”

“Yeah… But despite all that, I did come here to ask you something.”

It was quiet. Tension had risen again.

“Why…? Why’d you give me up?” He tried so, so hard to keep tears from filling his already glistening eyes.

Miss I Am froze. “W-well…”

She froze because she was afraid to tell him. Her daughter- no, son- who she thought she’d never see again, was asking her a question she dreaded answering.

“Sam, I didn’t want to leave you,” She began. “You and Pam are the best things that's ever happened to me. I loved waking up and fixing you breakfast in the morning, then taking you out on the town to explore and play and live in our beautiful world. But I… I was in a terrible place. I could hardly afford taxi rides, let alone fresh food aside from my eggs and ham, or even school.”

They stared at each other for a moment as she gathered herself.

“I wanted to give you guys a better life than my own. But I just couldn’t. Twelve bruckles to a single mother’s name wouldn’t get either of you anywhere. Pam was old enough to help by working and the likes, but you…” She gave a sad smile. “I couldn’t do much, and Pam couldn’t either. Your little smile kept me going but I knew it wouldn’t last if I kept you. I practically couldn’t stop crying when I gave you to the woman in the orphanage.”

“Wow…” Sam whispered. “I’m so sorry, Mom.”

“No, please don’t be! Absolutely nothing is your fault!”

“Well, hey, we’re reunited now! A-and I may not have much of a living either, but I’m always going to be there to help you now.” He stood to hug his mom, and so did she.

That last part was a bit of a lie. Sam couldn’t be sure if he wanted to stay or not.

He wanted to be there for her. He wanted to help and be a use to her to make up for the years lost. But, at the same time, he desperately wanted to be by Guy’s side.

Guy had been the best thing that's ever happened to him. He changed his life for the better and he knew Guy wouldn’t admit it (not yet at least) that Sam had done that for him too. The knox had been the one thing he continued living for when he thought all was lost.

… His mother did not do that.

“Wait,” Sam interrupted the embrace and pushed away. “I don’t remember some of that the same way you said it happened.”

“What do you mean?”

“You… didn’t cry.”

“Sammie, you were young. Maybe you just don’t remember.”

“I remember it. It hurt a lot.”

He took a step back and tried connecting dots in his head. Wasn’t that the truth? Why would she lie about that?

“I remember it _too_ well, Mom,” Sam stared at the table his mother sat at. “...You didn’t even say goodbye.”

“Now you know that isn’t true,” She stated.

“I… I’m sorry but I don’t know if it is or it isn’t. I know I’m not making this up,” he spoke as the truth, “because that’s why I’ve spent my entire damn life looking for you.”

“How do you know you aren’t making up your whole name thing, _Samuela_?”

Sam froze instantly.

“That’s different, Mom.”

“Is it, really? Maybe your friends are just telling you things-”

“See, that would make sense if I ever _had_ any friends!” he snapped, his voice breaking. Now the tears were falling. Years of unrecognized anger towards the woman who may have ruined his life before it had even started.

“Guy is the only person who’s actually cared enough to stick around and be my friend, no matter how much I bother him! Even so, I still worry about pushing him to the point of him leaving, just like everyone else. Nobody’s ever wanted to stay with me. He seems to want me to be happy a lot more than you do.

“Sam…”

Meriam stood to look him in the eyes.

She wanted him to have a better life than she could give him. He couldn't help but wonder if he would’ve ended up being just fine if she hadn’t given him up.

“I get it, Mom. You didn’t want me then and you still don’t,” He shakily breathed out the air he’d held, and turned on his heel to face the door.

Sam left, and Meriam sat back down keeping her cloudy gaze focused on the door like a ghost had just come in. It was then that Guy had entered cautiously after hearing the argument happen. He and Sam’s mother stared at each other with matching concern in their eyes.

“I’ll… go talk to him,” Guy made his way to the door. Meriam opened her mouth to answer, but quickly closed it. With another glance towards her, he continued on the path to find his dear friend.

\---

Sam I Am had wandered into an orchard, desperately trying to walk away from his mind. This might’ve been the worst adventure he had ever gone on. At least he found his mom, he thought, he’d only wished she was more open to finding _him_. It was still hard to believe that Guy cared more than his own mother.

Wait, Guy? Oh, Sam had left him in the farmhouse. He didn’t want to go back, though. Sam stopped in his tracks and took in the area around him, full of life, and fruits growing on trees and branches around him. It was surprisingly calming. Sure, he was lost, but that meant he didn’t have to worry about anything for at least a couple minutes.

Then he heard footsteps approaching him. He turned around, ready to defend himself from whatever could possibly be coming up, but the fear on his face was quickly replaced with relief and he saw Guy. Guy looked really concerned, though.

“Oh, Sam, there you are,” He sighed.

“What’s up, pal?”

“ _What’s up_? That’s what I’d like to know. What happened in there?”

“Uh-” Sam frowned, “It was nothing.”

“Sam,” Guy stepped closer to his friend, and put a hand onto his tense shoulder. Sam immediately relaxed from the touch. “You can’t lie to me about this.”

Sam’s frown seemed to drop even more at that. He bowed his head, closed his eyes, and sighed a shaky breath.

“I just don’t know what to think anymore, Guy. I- I thought this would be the best moment of my life, but it’s been awful! She lied to me, and I have no idea why. Maybe she just forgot, or maybe I am really just as delusional as she thinks.”

“Sam, don’t be so hard on yourself,” Guy chimed in.

“I don’t know how to be on myself. I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Give yourself a break. Do you wanna keep walking?”

Sam nodded, and so Guy removed his hand from his small shoulder and walked along with him.

“I’m sorry I brought you.”

“You didn’t bring me, I followed you.”

“Well, yeah, but it’s been a disaster. You should’ve just gone with Michellee and E.B.,” Sam mumbled, and Guy’s heart pulsed a little bit quicker.

“What would you have done if I wasn’t here, though? What if you got lost, hurt, or disappeared, or something worse?”

“Who cares?” Sam stopped walking.

“I do.”

“Why? Guy, you’ve been acting different. You’re not the big grump I remember from the diner.”

“Wh--” He stammered. “N-no I haven’t! I’m just the same as I was then. Now come on, let’s turn around before you get us lost.”

Guy’s face turned red as he spun on his heel to the opposite direction.

Well, that was defensive. Still, Sam refused.

“I wanna get out of here.”

“But our stuff, it’s at--”

“I don’t care. Let’s just go somewhere else, and we’ll come back for it later. I can’t go back in there yet.”

Guy stared at him, contemplating. Sam’s face was tired, still stained from the tears that had stopped falling.

“If you want to go back, go ahead, but I’m not-”

“Sam,” he interrupted, “Let’s… just keep walking for now.”


	4. author's note

hi all!

i want to say thank you for the support and kindness regarding my little story. i am rather happy with how it's been received so far. i realize i haven't been updating at all in the past few weeks, and for those who don't follow my instagram, here's my apology.

i'm extremely busy with school at the moment, and i do have the story planned out but i haven't had the time or interest to write it all out. unfortunately, i've also fallen a small bit out of the geah fandom. i do plan to return to this fic but as of now, i'm taking a hiatus from it.

not that anybody asked, but i blame darkwing duck for my sudden drift from geah. i've been very, _very_ into the show recently after taking a break from ducktales and everything, and i'm even working on a couple of oneshots for dwd!

once again, i'm really sorry for my sudden departure, but i do plan to finish the story. i'm hoping to get a chance to rewatch the show so i can find my inspiration again, but until then, there will be no updates on this fic until further notice.

thank you for your understanding and patience! i appreciate every single one of you. <3

-brasswired 2020


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